I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
