Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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