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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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