if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need water and some morals
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
