they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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