just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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