take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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