just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
