So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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