I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
