just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
