Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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