evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
