you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
