turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
