Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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