This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
