Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
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I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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