I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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