I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
