Pappa wants mamma naked
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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