Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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