Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
