I puked a lego.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You took a bar mat shot.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
