I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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