My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The power of my boobs compel you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
