when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
