I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
