Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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