well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
