I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
