Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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