my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
