I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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