he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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