Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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