after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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