apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize