This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
