if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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