Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
