...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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