Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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