Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
