we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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