He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize