wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
