My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
