True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
