are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
