I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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