you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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