i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
