A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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