There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
