Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
