yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
