Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
