I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
